We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
