I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
