Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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