VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
