Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
