she woke up with a sticky ear
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
