a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
