Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
