I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
