remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize