If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
