she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We left the knife in your bed.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
