If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think your dad took our porno
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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