U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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