yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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