North Korea, Best Korea!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
