She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
