I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
