On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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