So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
