I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
