I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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