Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
if only i could text you this smell
my sisters under your porch take her home
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
