omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
