I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
