So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
