The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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