Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
