The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
