I'm pants shitting drunk right now
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
