i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
