woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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