Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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