; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
