I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
