Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
