I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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