Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
