WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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