whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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