I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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