I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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