Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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