I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
