so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Even my vagina gasped.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
