3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
