White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
