Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
