the condom got lost in my hair
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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