It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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