apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
