No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
