I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
