He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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