I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
