Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
