He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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