I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
