I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
