he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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