There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
