Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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