Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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