my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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