Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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