i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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