What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
