You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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